Notes of Interest

Dear PhD,

While I have the utmost respect for your degree in literature and your ability to think on levels others couldn’t fathom, let us review some basic concepts in common sense. It seems that you need to remember how to use “context clues.” For example, if you walk into the copy room – (which is usually loud with sounds of people trying to chat over the buzz of the copier, smells of fresh brewed coffee and has stacks of paper lying around) – and it is quiet, desolate of human interaction and a few sheets of lonely paper are scattered, take note. Then, when you see the big black permanent markered sign “OUT OF ORDER,” please don’t ask , not once but THREE times, with a genuinely puzzled look on your face, if the copier is indeed out of order! Please don’t ask if it is a joke or a mistake. We enjoy the curses and evil eyes of an entire syllabus-less faculty and staff. Happy early April Fools Day, we say.

Love,

Your Noble Office Minions

Dear Rude Lady at the Gym,

Again, a lesson on context clues might be appropriate. Take notice of the class you are about to enter and notice if the class is sweaty and tired, the class may have already started. I’ll pull a Full House Stephanie Tanner and say “How rude!” Don’t enter a class 30 minutes late like it ain’t no thing b/c we sure as heck aren’t doing warm-up stretches. Also, when the instructor is kind enough to keep the lights dim, so we are not subject to watch everyone flap in fluorescent light, DO NOT go and turn on all of the bright lights, as you please. And when the instructor stops the music AND the class (b/c frankly, you have pissed her off) and asks you if that kind of lighting is better for you, don’t shrug – perhaps apologize for your rude behavior!

Sincerely,

Sweating to the Oldies

PS. If the class requires a lot of kicking – hence the name “TurboKICK” it would be wise to NOT burst someone’s personal bubble, b/c they probably won’t feel bad about kicking you.